Archive by Author | blissmorestressless

Creating From a Place of Anger

orange-band-aid-1468905A while ago I was invited to participate in a book writing club.  One of the group members had an unusual idea for a book.  She was writing a book which consisted of letters to those people in her life who had wronged her.  I read one of the letters.  It was drenched in nastiness, dripping with hatred.

I did not judge this woman.  I didn’t try to counsel her to rethink this, although the catholic-Italian in me felt that I should have.  Instead, I just accepted that this was part of her journey in life, wished her well, and inwardly wished her peace.  I didn’t absorb any of this bitterness, and was both surprised and proud of myself for not doing so.

You see, I could really, really empathize with her.  I know that bitterness.  The one that comes from that place of feeling wronged, of not being able to get in the last word.  To want to make someone feel badly for what they did to you. Oh I have BEEN there, been in that place of anger and hatred.

But if I have learned one lesson in life that I value above all others, it’s this:  creating from that place of anger, bitterness, hatred doesn’t make you feel better.  It keeps you stuck in that place.  And if what you’ve created, while in that place of anger, bitterness, hatred, will be seen, heard, felt by others, it won’t make them feel good either. It will just perpetuate the cycle of anger and hatred.

But, when you create from a place of joy, happiness,or love, your creation, no matter how small, will have a positive effect for whoever sees, hears or feels it.

This is what I have noticed in my own life.  When I create from a place of anger, I just don’t feel right.  Like when I would create a disciplinary action for my son while I was still angry about what he’d done, I would create a really over-the-top consequence- no electronics for a month!  Threatening to take everything away for a month because he didn’t honor one request is ridiculous, and doesn’t serve the goal of guiding him to make better choices.

But when I create from a place of love, I create the change that I want to see in the world.  I create acceptance, respect and kindness instead of shame, judgment, and anger.

I help to create a world that I want to live in.

4 Questions with Monica Jones

What one simple activity do you practice consistently that increases your joy, peace, calmness, focus, and bliss?

I do different things, but one of my favorites is to sit in my backyard find inner silence and enjoy the view; the birds, the butterflies, the sun, the wind, the clouds. It connects me to the core of my being; and with the “ALL”.


What place or surroundings bring you the most joy?

Any place outdoors. Mother Earth has its own magic and I enjoy connecting with it.

Name one moment of awareness that has changed everything for you.

Throughout the years, I have had and still have many “aha” moments that changes everything for me. The awareness that we are never done, that we are constantly changing, growing, and evolving is life changing.


When faced with a stressful situation what do you do to get through it with grace and ease?

I let it be. I believe that a stressful situation has many gifts for us if we only take the time to be with it instead of fleeing from it. After the situation has passed I often step back and up to detached from it and see the bigger picture, learning so much about me.

 

Monica Jones

 

Monica Jones is the founder of From Loss to Love, a Grief Transformation Guide, Writer, Karuna/Reiki Master, Bereaved Parent, Intuitive Energy Healer, and Meditation and Yoga Instructor, with the mission to assist grieving souls by providing them with the tools needed to heal many layers of the self which results in not only inner transformation but in a new way of flowing through life from a place of love and happiness regardless of any conditions. In this understanding you will re-discover your unique divine nature, inner and universal power.

 

www.fromlosstolove.com & www.facebook.com/fromlosstolove

Live in the Moment

I am an expert at living in the future, and an expert, as well, at living in the past.

I have generalized anxiety, something I have had ever since I can remember, and all the worrying that I do places my focus on the future, and a lot of the worrying stems from things that have happened in the past.  I tend to go back over events, replaying them in my mind, figuring out what I could have done differently.

But I can’t change the past.

Alternatively, I also tend to play out scenes in my head that have  yet to occur.  And most likely never will.  And although I’d love to think that I can, I also cannot predict the future.

So instead, now, I choose to focus on the present moment.  On what can I do right now or today that will bring me closer to my goals.  This doesn’t mean that I never think about the past or the future, but I do so now with the awareness that I cannot change the past and I cannot control the future.  All I can control is right now, and how I act, and how I react to that around me.

4 Questions with Jimena Ballén Tallada

 What one simple activity do you practice consistently that increases your joy, peace, calmness, focus, bliss?

If I have to choose one activity, I would say that is meditation. I started a few months ago, and definitely it´s a beautiful moment in my day that changes everything. I learned it by myself, I started looking for some peace, to stop or reduce my anxiety. I began sitting on the floor, closing my eyes and breathing, then I learned some techniques of mindfulness that gave me more answers, but I think I am on my way to creating my own method. Sometimes I woke up late, but I told myself that I need a few minutes for me to start in a different way. And it´s wonderful, sometimes it´s not easy, but it´s good for me, for my body, for my peace.

What place or surroundings bring you the most joy?

The beach or quite places like a park, places that have a lot of nature, big gardens, when I can see a beautiful sky. A place that I can disconnect from traffic. I love to see the ocean, to breath sea breeze.

Name one moment of awareness that has changed everything for you.

When I was studying my specialization in body coaching in Buenos Aires, Argentina, the Coach told us to imagine inside our body something that is bothering us. In that moment I thought that I didn´t have anything, then I began to move my body, and there was an image that was like a fireball. In that moment I knew the meaning of that fireball, but my mind told me that I didn´t want to work around that event. In that moment, I knew what that fireball represented: an event that hurt me too much, many years ago. However, my body told me another thing, that I wasn´t over that event, and I need it to work. I chose to work, to feel it. I cried a lot, I moved my body, and created different states, and then I found peace. That day I discovered that my body knows what I need, and that is so important for me to listen, to feel and to follow it.

When faced with a stressful situation what do you do to get through it with grace and ease?

The breathing and the connection with my body. When I am really stress, I take 5 or 10 minutes to breathe slowly, sometimes I close my eyes, and only concentrate on breathing.

Another way is to go for a run or to energize my body; something changes in me when I pass through my body.

Sometimes I tell myself that I can, that I am a woman with power, and I remember events that showed me or demonstrate that I could, and if I could in the past, I can do it today.

Follow Jimena on her Facebook page

4 Questions with Cassy Berthiaume, Founder of The Zen Singing

What one simple activity do you practice consistently that increases your joy, peace, calmness, focus, bliss?

Singing! For a too long time, I was singing for everyone, except myself. Now, I understand that when I sing or write a song, it is to express myself, release negativity and replace it with a warm feeling of joy. Doing daily warm ups is also a way to connect myself in the ”here and now”.

What place or surroundings bring you the most joy?

In my family’s home or in the forest, near a lake. So peaceful!

Name one moment of awareness that has changed everything for you.

On August 2013, I decided to tell myself (and the others) YES when I feel like a YES, and NO when I feel like a NO. I started meditation, yoga and… Singing for myself !

When faced with a stressful situation, what do you do to get through it with grace and ease?

I meditate and pray. I believe in angels and spiritual guides, so I speak to mine every night and in every – stressful or not – situation. Everything suddenly gets clearer.

Bio:

Cassy is a French Canadian, singer-songwriter and a vocal coach since 2004. She discovered few years ago that singing can make miracles to heal someone’s life. She made her students better singers, but also aware of their bodies, needs, reduce their stress, making them not just believe but achieving their dreams. From this is born The Zen Singing, a vocal approach to connect the voice, body and mind.

www.thezensinging.com

The Voices in My Head

I had been renting space in my head to some not-so-nice women for what seemed like most my life.

They were judgmental, often critical, and always there whenever I began thinking about my dreams.  It wasn’t until I saw each of them distinctly for who they were, that I was able to evict them and send them on their way.

Maybe you’ll recognize one or two (or all?) of them.

The Naysayer.  But oddly enough, she never actually told me that I couldn’t do something.  She would just plant a small seed of doubt, “Well, how are you going to do THAT?”  Which was enough to send me chasing me tail, trying to figure out the HOW of whatever it was that I dreamt of doing.

The Naysayer was quickly joined by the Fear Monger.  Preying on my general anxiety disorder, the Fear Monger would expand on my fear of not knowing how I was going to accomplish something by throwing at me all kinds of what if’s? What if you fail? (That was her favorite) What if what you are going to do causes someone else some harm?  Knowing my anxious mind, it wasn’t hard to send me in another tail spin of all the horrible outcomes that could happen if I followed my dreams.

As if these two weren’t enough, two more would also appear on the scene: the Should Shame-r and her identical twin, the Guilt Tripper.  The Should Shame-r would sigh heavily, point out what it was that I SHOULD be doing, and then add a nice little tsk, tsk, tsk to drive the point home.  And of course the Guilt Tripper would let me know how sad my family would be if they had to do all those things that I *SHOULD* be doing (cleaning, cooking, laundry, driving kids to activities).

Getting rid of these ladies was simple but not easy.  First I had to be aware of them, to distinguish them from myself.  Then, each time one of them spoke up I simply told them that I thanked them for their opinion but that I was taking it from there.  Now they no longer rent space in my head anymore.

I recently read of  this visual activity to do if they show up – to picture them, the Naysayer, Fear Monger, Should Shame-r and Guilt Tripper, being arrested for their crimes of negativity and dream destruction.

I think I like that even better.

The Beginning

I have been on an incredible journey, a journey of self discovery.  As I look back to that first moment, the moment that I decided  that I wanted CHANGE, I can see how extraordinary this journey has been, and yet how simple.

When I reflect on the most important life changing moments since deciding that I wnted change, I realize that it’s the simple every day things that I did and continue to do that got me here.  Nothing fancy, just awareness and a commitment to keep moving forward.

My dream is to share my journey with you, so that you can see how simple the transformation really was.  I won’t say that it was easy, because letting go of long held stories is never easy, and makes you question all that you thought you knew.  But this journey from stressed out to blissed out is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, and I hope that I will inspire you in some way, no matter where you are in YOUR journey.

And so, I will start from the beginning.  In November of 2011 I felt like a failure.  I was failing in my business, failing as a parent to my then 12 year old son, and failing in my relationship with my boyfriend.  My mom had passed away 2 years prior, and I was still grieving her loss.I was miserable and struggled to get through each day.  I spent a good deal of time feeling sorry for myself and counting out all the different ways things were not going well for me.

It all changed the day I decided that anger, resentment and regret were not serving me anymore and that I had to let them go.  And so I created a new ritual. Every morning, as I walked around the pond near my house, I picked up 3 rocks, each a little smaller than the size of my fist.  I would take each stone, and name it – anger, resentment, regret, throw each into the pond.  As i envisioned each one sinking to the bottom of the pond, I felt a space open up inside of me, and chose to fill it with something new.  Peace, joy, love, patience, whatever I felt that I needed more of at that moment.

Just like that, my journey to my true self began.  No fireworks, no grand gestures.  Just an awareness of what no longer served me and what I wanted more of in my life.