Stop Saying Yes When You Mean No: Reclaim Your Time, Energy, and Peace

Years ago, I found myself in a cycle of stress and avoidance that felt impossible to escape. At the time, I was juggling a full-time job, attending MBA classes at night, and even taking on a second job. But the second job wasn’t about needing more money—it was my way of avoiding something I couldn’t bring myself to confront.

Every weekend, my boyfriend expected me to join him at his family’s vacation home. While the idea of a relaxing weekend retreat might sound wonderful, it was anything but. His mother made rude, passive-aggressive comments every time I was there, and I dreaded those visits. I felt too scared to speak up and admit that I didn’t want to go. I feared her retaliation—angry outbursts, cold shoulders, or even more cutting remarks. Worse, I feared my boyfriend might break up with me if I refused.

Instead of addressing the issue, I decided that working every weekend would be the “easier” solution. I convinced myself it was better to pile on more work and exhaust myself than to risk upsetting anyone. At the time, I believed setting boundaries was rude and selfish. I thought my needs weren’t as important as everyone else’s, and asking for what I wanted would make me seem ungrateful or high-maintenance.

By the end of that summer, I was completely burned out. Between my full-time job, part-time job, and MBA classes, I had no time for myself. I hadn’t seen my own family or friends in months, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done anything remotely fun. I realized I’d spent the entire summer sacrificing my happiness to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. That was my breaking point.

The real turning point came when I enrolled in a personal development class. During one exercise, I was asked to write down all the possible consequences of saying no or setting a boundary. As I worked through the exercise, I realized that fear—of confrontation, rejection, and judgment—was ruling my life. I was so afraid of alienating people that I had completely alienated myself from the life I wanted. For the first time, I saw how my people-pleasing tendencies were keeping me stuck, and I knew something had to change.

I began the hard work of rewiring my beliefs. I used different techniques to release my fears and forgive myself for years of self-neglect. I repeated affirmations like “I deserve respect” and “My feelings and desires are valid” to reinforce my new mindset. Slowly but surely, I started to believe them.

One of my first big wins came when I set a boundary at work. I told my boss I wasn’t able to travel for a particular project. I was terrified of his reaction, but he surprised me by being supportive and understanding. That small success gave me the confidence to keep going.

Now, I’m much more intentional with my time and energy. I’ve learned to say no to anything that doesn’t align with my values, and I prioritize the people and activities that bring me joy. I’ve also set boundaries around relationships, choosing to spend less time with people who drain me and more time with those who uplift me.

This transformation has completely changed my life. I no longer live in a state of chronic stress, and my relationships are healthier and more fulfilling. Most importantly, I feel at peace knowing I’m honoring my needs and living a life that aligns with my values.